The Mind of a Wanna-Be Writer

i think that i finally figured something out today. i was watching this episode of wildfire on abc family. i know, i know, kind of geeky. but there was this one scene where this kinda of smarmy type of guy was talking to this girl but there was something genuine about what he was saying. he just told her that he knew that the story she had told earlier was a secret and that he could tell because he watches her, actually sees her. they kissed and it just got me thinking.

i want that. i want a guy to think i am something special. i want a guy to think that the way i smile or the way i play with my hair is cute. i want a kiss that isn't filled with false pretenses or slimy intentions. i want a nice, simple, emotion-filled kiss. i want to experience that once in my life. i don't want to grow up (in a matter of speaking) and have that 'i'm an adult so there's a certain way to do this' kind of attitude or type of kiss. i want the type of kiss that is spontaneous and nervous and excited and electric all at the same time. i want a guy that i can have that with. i want a relationship, but i'd settle for pure, innocent feelings of true emotions at least once even if no relationship comes from it. i want to have that stage where it's like 'i like you' and you like me. i want to have a guy that i can totally connect with on all of these levels yet i don't feel like he's one of my best girlfriends. i want him to still give me butterflies when he looks at me or smiles at me. i want him to make me nervous and happy and filled with anticipation.

i see other people that have that. i want that. is that too much to ask?